goldenclitoris:

*touches own butt*
is this what sex feels like

bearslime:

bearslime:

bearslime:

i wonder how many grapes i can eat before i throw up

it takes exactly 127 grapes to make me throw up 

never eat 127 grapes

datkarkatass:

the-stars-descend:

the-stars-descend:

You’re living, you occupy space, and you have mass.

You know what that means?

You matter

this is the most inspirational pun i have ever seen

merricats:

oldmanhoho:

you know you’ve made a good pun when everyone’s immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up”

#the highest compliment any pun can receive

How is cooking feminine i mean it’s fuckin knives and fuckin fire and fuckin dead shit 

foodchewer:

i used to be good at math but then i finished 1st grade

slydigged:

ur grandma has sucked a dick before

rupindah:

rupindah:

I want a _ _ _ _ in my mouth

the answer was taco

timelordparadise:

myownlost:

I’d like to cancel my subscription to Menstrual Cycle Monthly

I’m sorry, it appears you’ve taken out a fifty-sixty year subscription. However, we can pause it for nine months as long as you sign a contract that says you’ll take out a subscription to Baby Daily for at least eighteen years